“Relationships” Session 1:
Connection - Your New Normal
Read Chapters 1 and 2 of Keep Your Love On before beginning this lesson.
Choice and Responsibility
According to Keep Your Love On, choice is the foundation of any true, lasting relationship. In order to take responsibility for choosing connection, the author argues that you must be a “powerful person.”
1. How does the phrase “powerful person” strike you? What connotations does this word have? Do you feel powerful in your relationships? Do you feel powerless?
2. Growing up, did you feel empowered to make your own decisions, or were you taught to simply comply and obey without question?
Powerless people are driven by anxiety. This manifests itself through “powerless language”
1. Do you find yourself using phrases like, “I can’t,” “I have to,” or “I’ll try” rather than giving a simple “yes” or “no”?
2. On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate your level of anxiety in your relationships? Discuss this with your small group.
Control as Powerlessness
Control is just another coping mechanism for a person who feels powerless in relationship. According to the author, relationships built upon mutual control cannot ever produce the love, trust, and security needed for healthy bonding. Remember that being “powerful” does not equal being “dominating.” Powerful people do not seek to control others, they take responsibility for their own actions and allow others to do the same.
1. What do you think about this concept? Do you feel the need to exercise control in order to feel “safe” in your relationships?
2. If you have been living in a powerless state of being, you should repent. Choose to become the powerful person that God has called you to be.
3. Take some time in your small group to pray for one another and ask God to teach you how to be powerful and exercise responsibility in your relationships.
Connection vs. Disconnection
Every relationship has one of two primary goals: connection or disconnection. You can either make intentional choices to pursue deepening levels of intimacy or you can become content with allowing a “safe” amount of distance in your relationships. If your goal is connection, then you need to acquire the skills to express this intention. Connection doesn’t happen by accident. Connection is just another way of saying “love” or “intimacy.” Its goal is the same.
1. Think about your relationships. Are you seeking connection or have you become comfortable allowing disconnection to become the norm?
2. Are you willing to put in the effort to reconnect with your loved ones and figure out ways to maintain this connection?
In order to love something effectively, you must learn how to speak their “love language.” Take a few minutes to take the 5 Love Languages test on your smartphone and read over the result. You can access the love language test at https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
1. If you are married or in a relationship, have your spouse or significant other take the test as well. Compare your results and discuss.
2. If you want to show those you are in relationship with that you love them, become an expert in speaking their love language.